I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
