Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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