she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
