They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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