Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
