You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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