If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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