The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
