You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
