So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
