Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
