if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
