May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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