she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
