I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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