i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
