i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The beer is more important than you right now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
