The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
