So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
