Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Randomize
