u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
how does that bad decision feel?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
