my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
