got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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