the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
