this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
