I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
