u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
