I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
