you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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