I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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