and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
