I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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