I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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