Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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