She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm too high and old for this...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
