if only i could text you this smell
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
