goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
