My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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