if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
