Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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