i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
