Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Someone came in the potted fern
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
