There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
