it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
