12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
