I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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