clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
