I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
