She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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