I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
