HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
