your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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